


Runaways

by hidekaneheadcanons



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Amnesia, Angst, M/M, Some Fluff, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-25
Updated: 2018-01-25
Packaged: 2019-03-09 03:14:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,626
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13472547
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hidekaneheadcanons/pseuds/hidekaneheadcanons
Summary: Haise's time at the CCG is slowly running out. He knows it's only a matter of time before they no longer consider him an asset and dispose of him. It doesn't help that his past-self won't leave him alone, especially after he meets a mysterious man who has his face covered and has no qualms about practically interrogating him in the middle of :RE. Yet, he feels strangely drawn to this man, even as he tries to deny it. When Haise finds out he's from his past, he decides to take a chance, placing his life in Hide's hands, instead of the CCG's.





	Runaways

Haise’s headaches were getting worse. He sighed softly and pinched the bridge of his nose, reading the report in front of him. He squinted at the small typed letters on the page he had written, then brought the entire thing closer to his face, adjusting glasses. He attributed the headaches to his ever-worsening vision. He didn’t understand how he was a half-ghoul with amazing regenerative abilities, yet his eyesight only seemed to get worse and worse. He thought that perhaps, after regenerating so many times, they were permanently damaged, perhaps due to some mutation that occurred when the cells divided to form new ones again. Then again, back when he was in Cochlea and Arima was first bringing him books, he didn’t need glasses to read them. He didn’t know why his eyes were worsening, and nor did the CCG doctors really care about why. Yet, Haise was filled with the morbid curiosity that if they were gouged out again, they may grow back healthy. Not that he would mention that to the CCG doctors.

The words seemed to blur even further, if possible, and Haise finally put the report down. He sighed softly, listening to the sound of Shirazu trying to start an argument with Urie in the living room, all while Mutsuki tried to diffuse the both of them. Saiko was likely to be in her room, either snoring or playing the latest RPG. 

Haise felt a little guilty, since he was planning to cook for the Quinx that night, but he had to get away from the Chateau and find some peace and quiet. Haise cleaned up a little, then trudged down to the living room to tell the three that he was going out and wouldn’t be back for supper. He left some money on the counter, hoping they would order food rather than let Shirazu attempt to cook again.

:RE was the perfect place to unwind. Haise felt entirely comfortable there. The smell of the coffee and books were calming. There was never too many people, and Touka always let him borrow the books lining the shelves. He had many of his own, but he always seemed to be running out of the funds to buy the first editions that he always wanted. While he may have been a CCG Investigator, a lot of Haise’s money went to caring for the Quinx and paying for their misadventures. They really were like his children, he guessed.

It was later than usual when Haise got to :RE, but thankfully the coffee shop was open quite late. As per usual, Touka was standing behind the counter. Today, she was reading what seemed to be a textbook, scribbling notes on a separate piece of paper. When Haise entered, she looked up and greeted him with a smile, then slipped the work under the counter and stepped around it to meet him at his favourite table to take his order.

After an hour or so of drinking the couple coffees he ordered and browsing the book selection, Haise had to call it a day and get back home to finish proofreading his report before he turned it in the next morning. He had an armful of borrowed books and was heading out of :RE when he almost bumped into him. He was heavily dressed, wearing a heavy scarf over his face despite the warm weather and a turtleneck as well. Haise did a small double-take, but the man completely froze.

“Er, excuse me,” Haise said.

The man stood frozen in the doorway for another moment or so, then hurried to the side and bowed slightly. Haise was confused, but he brushed it off. In his line of work, he bumped into lots of strange people, most of them being investigators themselves.

Haise had a little trouble focusing that night, his headache only seeming to worsen, until the presence that had plagued Haise since his battle with Serpent made itself known in the back of his mind. There was a soft prodding, muffled whispers that sounded like ghosts in Haise’s ears. Haise largely ignored it, as he usually tried to do when _he_ showed up, but the presence was enough to worry him, as always. He didn’t get much sleep and feared for what was to come over the next few days, though in the end, they were uneventful. _He_ was silent too.

~<3<3<3~

Haise didn’t think of the man again until the next time he walked into :RE and found him sitting at his favourite table, this time donning a bandana and a hoodie. Haise frowned a little, his seat being taken meaning that he would have to get up and walk over to access his favourite books. Even if he couldn’t see the man’s face, Haise swore he looked pleased with himself.

Haise took his seat and caught Touka’s eye, giving her a small smile. Even if he couldn’t have free access to the books like he normally could, nothing would ruin Touka’s coffee. By now, she knew his order off by heart: the special roast of the day, no cream or sugar. Somehow, all of :RE’s coffees had a body and flavour that could hardly be replicated with any of the store bought brands Haise had. He would have to ask Touka if the shop sold packages of their own coffee.

Touka nodded to him as she went to go make his coffee. Haise relaxed back in his seat and took off his jacket, folding it over the back of his chair. He was turning back to his table when he caught a small wave out of the corner of his eye. The man was squinting at him like he was smiling under his bandana and beckoning him to come over. Hesitantly, Haise gathered his jacket and joined the man at his favourite table.

“Hey,” the man’s voice sounded sort of strange – artificial. “Sorry for getting in your way the other day. I would have apologized then, but I broke the mechanism that helps me speak.” The man pointed to his throat, but didn’t pull aside the bandana to show him. “My name is Hide, by the way.” Haise could see scarring on his left cheek just above the bandana.

“Hide.” The word felt familiar in Haise’s mouth, his heart skipping a beat when he said it. There was tendril of something – a smile, a voice – and a rustle deep in his mind as _he_ awoke. Haise closed the shutters on whatever the memory was, not wanting to hear _his_ hissing voice beside his ear again. A shiver went down Haise’s back and he swallowed thickly before he looked up at Hide. “Well, it’s nice to meet you.”

Something flashed through Hide’s eyes – disappointment? Then his eyes squinted as he smiled at Haise again. “I’ve seen you around here before. I was kind of curious, since I haven’t spoken to a Ghoul Investigator before.”

“Oh, well.” Haise was a little taken aback from the way Hide’s eyes practically sparkled. “It’s really not that amazing. There’s a lot of paperwork.”

Hide waved a hand. “Aside from the paperwork, then.” Hide lifted up his half-finished drink – what looked like an iced latte with much more cream than coffee and stuck the straw under the bandana so that he could drink. “You’ve come in with a couple of other people before. Were those your subordinates?”

Haise frowned. He didn’t remember Hide being there when he came with the Quinx. “They are. I’m responsible for all of them. They can be handful sometimes.” Haise was fond of all them, even Urie.

“So you like the people you work with then?” Even though Hide was still smiling, his voice had a serious tone that Haise didn’t miss. With all these questions, Haise almost felt like he was being interrogated.

Haise scratched his chin, glancing up to see Touka coming over with his coffee. “They’re all kind and passionate about what they do.”

“Here’s your coffee.” Touka set it down with a gentle smile. “Please enjoy.”

Hide’s shoulders were stiff and Touka met his gaze steadily. He didn’t look angry, just… upset. Haise felt something like dread pool in his stomach. “Could I get a refill?” Hide held out his glass, which only had a few ice cubes left.

“Sure.” Touka’s smile widened, like she was showing him her teeth. “The same?”

“Another couple of sugars, please.” Hide turned back to Haise. “So back to what we were talking about.” Hide pointed to Haise’s suitcase. “That’s your weapon-thing, right? Do you really have to carry it everywhere you go? Is it really made from ghouls’ weird-tentacle-thingys? Is it heavy? What does it look like? Can I see it?”

Haise laughed. Although Hide’s questions sounded silly and uninformed, there was something that set Haise off. It seemed like Hide was asking the questions simply to ask them, not like he actually wanted to know the answer. “Sorry, but no. I can’t just pull it out anywhere. It’s for fighting ghouls, not showing off.”

“Fine, fine.” Hide held up his hands. “What is it like fighting ghouls then? Is it scary?”

Haise fidgeted a little. “Not so much. I’m more worried for my subordinates.”

“I see.” Hide shifted in his chair. “Sorry, for all the questions. I guess I’m being a little impolite.”

“I don’t mind talking,” Haise assured, though he was happy for a chance to stop talking about his work, and seeing Hide’s strange reactions when he did. “It’s just been a long day.”

Hide nodded. “Let’s move on to lighter topics then, like your hobbies?”

Glad in the change of topic, Haise told him about the books he read and about how he would cook supper every night for the Quinx, as well as breakfast occasionally. Haise didn’t know Hide, so he didn’t tell him much about the kids, and Hide didn’t ask for more than Haise gave.

“You sound like a proud mother.” Hide leaned his head against his hand and took a sip of the coffee Touka had brought him over ten minutes earlier. He was already almost done this one as well. “It’s cute.”

Haise sputtered a little. “I suppose I am kind of like a mother. Those kids need someone to look after them.”

“Well, I’m sure they’re glad to have you.” Hide put his finished coffee down and twirled the straw around. “I have to be going, and it may be a bit bold of me to ask, but…” Hide pulled out a pen and snagged a napkin off the table, scribbling a phone number on it. “I’d like to talk to you again, so call me?”

_Unlikely,_ Haise wanted to think, but something compelled him to take Hide’s number anyway. His heart skipped a beat when his and Hide’s hands brushed when he took the napkin from him. “I’d like that.”

Hide nodded and took out enough money to pay for his drinks and set it on the table. “Well then, talk to you later, Haise.”

When Hide exited :RE Haise realized that he never told Hide his name.

~<3<3<3~

Haise had a headache.

It started since he met Hide at :RE, and hadn’t stopped since. Sometimes Haise would get headaches when he read too much, but he hardly read anything other than mission reports over the past week. He tried every remedy he could to get rid of it, but nothing helped. It only worsened.

After a couple days, Haise came to know it was _his_ doing. The being Haise came to understand was his past-self. It felt like he was scratching at the inside of Haise’s head, trying to claw his way out. He was mostly silent, save for the times when Haise was alone and in bed. Then, he would start talking.

_“You won’t let me see him.”_ He hissed. _“I know you want to as well, so why won’t you?”_

“Shut up,” Haise grumbled into his pillow and unsuccessfully tried to make his past-self go away. “I don’t know what you mean.”

_“You want this. We want this. So just give in already_.” It was true, something in Haise longed to see Hide, no matter how he tried to adamantly ignore it.

Haise’s headache increased in intensity and he groaned. He dug his fingers into the soft pillow and felt the seams give way. When the headache only got worse he muttered a ‘fuck you’ under his breath, then sat up and threw the pillow across the room. It hit the wall with a very unsatisfying thud, spilling its filling all over the floor.

_“Hide_ ,” His past-self whispered. _“Let’s see him._ ”

Haise scowled and pulled out his phone, as well as the folded piece of napkin that had Hide’s phone number on it. “You happy now?” Frustrated, he punched the numbers into his phone and hit call. He knew it was late, but he hoped Hide would pick up.

“Hello?” For some reason, Hide’s voice was a relief to hear. Almost instantly, Haise felt his headache dissipating.

“It’s Haise. I’m sorry if I woke you up.”

“Nah, man. It’s okay. I’m kind of a night owl. So don’t worry about it. You sound kind of stressed. You doing alright?”

“Yeah, I just wanted to hear your voice.” And Haise almost smacked himself because _what the hell_. That was not what he wanted to say. “I mean… I couldn’t sleep and –”

He was cut off by laughter on the other end of the line. “Well I’m flattered.” Hide hummed. “Well, if you can’t sleep, why don’t we meet up for a bit?”

Haise considered. Now that the headache was gone, the bed looked a lot more inviting. However, at that thought his head gave a small throb like a threat. “Sure. I doubt I’d get much rest tonight anyway. Do you have a place in mind?”

“There’s a quiet, little park I know. We could go there, unless you’re more of the party type. I do know a few clubs as well.”

Haise shuddered at the mention of going to a club. “The park, please. Give me the address and I’ll meet you there in..?”

“Half an hour?”

“Sounds good. See you then, Hide.”

Haise hurried to get dressed and left a scribbled note for the Quinx on the counter for when they woke up. Haise decided he would probably need to sleep in, so they would have to make their own breakfast. He made an extra note for Saiko to make hers _healthy._

Despite Haise rushing, he was still five minutes late, dressed in jeans and black sweatshirt, his hair still mussed from all his tossing and turning. Hide was already there, dressed similarly, but in addition was his bandana. He was sitting on a park bench, his hands folded in his lap. When Haise jogged up, Hide smiled.

“Hey,” Haise murmured. He sat the bench beside Hide, his past-self strangely complacent and silent. “Thanks for meeting with me.”

“It’s no problem.” Hide turned to face Haise. “You sure you doing alright? You’re looking kind of pale?”

The worry in his voice made Haise stiffen. He was reminded of how Hide seemed all too familiar with him, and how his past-self seemed all too familiar with him as well. “Before, at :RE, you knew my name. I didn’t give you my name.” Hide was interrogating him before. Well, now it was Haise’s turn.

Hide was no longer smiling. “I asked Touka for it.”

“And why were you asking about me?” Haise had to know for sure. He knew what his past-self said, but was Hide really someone that Haise used to know? And why was he getting into contact with him now?

Hide’s eyes squinted when he smiled again, but it didn’t hold the same sincerity. Haise could see his shoulders were tight. “Well, maybe I thought you were cute.” He said it in a dejected tone, but Haise knew it was an act.

So Haise laughed. “ _Bullshit_.” Haise stood, deciding to walk away. He didn’t want to meet with Hide in the first place. But, a sharp pain made him clutch at his temples and hiss in pain. His knees shook and threatened to collapse, but Hide gently took him by the elbows and guided him to sit back on the bench.

Hide’s eyebrows were furrowed with worry as he crouched in front of Haise. “I knew you weren’t doing well.” Hide’s hands shook as he cupped Haise’s cheeks. “You need to take better care of yourself.” Hide traced the dark bag under one of Haise’s eyes.

“I can’t when _he_ won’t _shut up_ ,” Haise snapped. He batted away Hide’s hands and fixed him with a glare when he looked shocked at Haise’s words and actions. “You must have been familiar with _him_ , touching _me_ like that.”

Hide looked so incredibly hurt, so much so that Haise felt his stomach turn in his regret. “Yeah,” Hide finally said. “I was. We were close.” Hide sighed and sat back down. They were sitting close, but not touching. “You make the same expressions you always used to – it’s easy to forget sometimes, how we both ended up. You look the same – save for your multicolour hair. I think you may have grown a bit too.” Hide put his hand over his head. “I think you might be almost as tall as me now.” Hide’s expression was cautious and the hesitant hope in it made Haise’s stomach churn.

“Stop.” Haise shook his head. “Just stop.”

Hide froze beside him. Haise felt his piercing gaze on him, but he didn’t look up. He couldn’t look up. “Do you… not want to know the person you used to be?”

Haise shook his head. “No. I don’t think I do.”

“Why?” The question was immediate. It wasn’t accusatory, but surprisingly sincere.

Haise hesitated, glancing away. He didn’t want to admit he was afraid of his past-self, of the person he must have been, of the things he must have done. He didn’t want to admit how _his_ presence in the back of his mind caused him more stress than anything. Then there was the CCG too. They would kill Haise if they knew he remembered who he used to be. “I don’t think… he was a good person. I don’t want to become him again. I want to remain as… me. Not him.”

“So you’re okay with not knowing?”

_Yes,_ Haise wanted to say. _Absolutely._ But, he stopped, his mouth frozen open as he went to answer. There were a number of questions that plagued him, which he wouldn’t be able to find out if he didn’t get the answers from his past. Who exactly _was_ Haise? He had no idea where he came from, who his parents were, who his friends were. Arima told him his friends were dead, but Hide was standing right in front of him, in undeniable opposition to that earlier statement made in Cochlea. And then there was the way Hide treated Haise as well. He was worried for him. That scared Haise, since he didn’t know the origin of those emotions and it made him uncomfortable to know Hide knew far more about him than Haise did himself. Then, there was the matter that Hide, a human, actually genuinely cared for Haise and that threatened to topple Haise’s characterization of his past-self. And what if Haise’s past-self wasn’t a bad person, then was it really so bad to come to know him?

Haise felt a hand on his shoulder and jumped, looking back up into Hide’s eyes. Hide held his gaze steadily. “You weren’t a bad person. You always put others before yourself. Sometimes, I wish you were a little less of a good person, a little more selfish, because you always got hurt trying to keep others safe. That’s why you are where you are now. You sacrificed yourself to protect everyone. We thought you were dead for years.”

Haise could hear Hide’s pain in his voice. “I’m sorry… I…” He swallowed thickly. “The people I was trying to save… are they..?”

“Some are dead. But a lot of the people you cared about are alive. And they’re waiting for you too. We missed you.” Hide’s voice was sad as he squeezed Haise’s shoulder. “We’re worried about you, and what the CCG might do to you.”

Haise was at a loss for what to say. He too was worried. He felt like he had an expiration date at the CCG, one that would probably come when the Quinx were considered competent enough for their duties. When that time came, would Haise be put back in Cochlea, would he be killed, or would he just be transferred to another division? With his breakdowns in battle, especially during the one where he fought Serpent, he was starting to expect it would be one of the first two. And, if he continued to get worse, the CCG could consider him a burden instead of an asset sooner rather than later. He was scared. Not just of his past-self, but also what the CCG would inevitably do to him.

“So, please. Come back to us. We’ll hide you and make sure you’re safe. Please,” Hide begged.

Haise chewed his lip. “What – what was my name?”

Hide’s eyes widened, but he hurried to answer. “Kaneki Ken.”

_Kaneki Ken._ The name sounded right, somehow. “And how long have you known me? What did I used to be like? What happened to me? ”

Hide eyes crinkled fondly. “I met you when we were really young. We were best friends throughout middle school and high school. You were really shy back then, always had your nose buried in a book. Even when you would come over to my house, you would always have one like you. You were still shy when you got older, and you didn’t like meeting with large groups of people or talking in front of the class. But, you were a really good student and studied really hard. You ended up pushing me to study as well and the both of us made it into Kami University. You took Literature classes and I went into International Studies. Shortly after that, you went on a date with a girl you really liked. She turned out to be a ghoul. After the incident, Doctor Kanou transplanted her organs into you, along with her kakuhou. After that, you became an artificial half ghoul.”

Haise knew about the part with Doctor Kanou, but not much else. “And then?”

“You became really reclusive after that. You hid away in your apartment and stopped talking to me. You worked at a coffee shop for a bit and found some other friends – ghouls – who were able to help you. Then, you were attacked and captured by Aogiri. After your escape, you disappeared again. To be entirely honest, I don’t know what happened during those months. I spent most of them looking for you – I even joined the CCG to try and track you down through their channels as well. I wasn’t able to actually find you until the – the raid. When you fought to protect your friends. You were really hurt and well – let’s not get into that.” Hide finished hurriedly. “I wasn’t able to find you for a while, but I never gave up looking. I have some contacts within the CCG, and once you were released from Cochlea and integrated as an investigator, I finally found out you were alive.” Hide paused and picked at the corner of his bandana. “And not going to lie, I may have been a _little_ stalkerish so that I could find a chance to talk to you away from prying eyes.”

“Only a little,” Haise said dryly.

Haise had to admit, he didn’t feel quite as worried as he was before, but he wasn’t entirely put at ease. Although Hide framed Kaneki to be a good person, he wasn’t there the entire time, not when he was a ghoul, anyway. Then there was the matter of the Kaneki that Haise heard in his head as well, who didn’t sound at all like the Kaneki that Hide was describing.

“If the person I used to be was how you described, then why is the Kaneki in my head so…” Haise waved a hand around uselessly. “…volatile?”

Hide hummed thoughtfully. “I was told that before you were captured you were developing a kakuja. According to the others, developing a kakuja also affects the mental stability of the individual. Perhaps you’re remembering that part of yourself, rather than who you really were?”

“A kakuja?” _Really?_

Hide rubbed the back of his head. “To be honest, I can’t really say for sure why that’s happening to you, or why Kaneki is appearing like that you. It could be the kakuja, it could be you subconsciously trying to remember things while by afraid of remembering, or it could be some… other things too. But, we can try to figure it out, if you want.” Hide looked at Haise hopefully. “I would really like for you to come with me. I don’t want to lose you again.”

Haise hesitated. “Even if I did go with you, wouldn’t the CCG find us? I contacted you with my phone, they can trace –“

Hide laughed, his eyes glinting mischievously. “They won’t be able to trace shit. Whoever gets the task is going to thoroughly hate me.” Hide laughed again, the sobered. “They won’t find us. I’ve been planning for months, knowing I would have to get you out eventually.”

“Oh.” Haise stood and cast a nervous glance around. “What do we do next?”

“Drop your phone and any other identifiable things. Pull your hood up so that it covers your hair. We can go the first safe house tonight and catch some sleep. It looks like you need it.” Hide held out his hand.

Haise took it and let Hide guide him in the right direction. After a few moments, Hide released Haise’s hand and stuffed his in the pocket of his sweater. They walked for a long while – about an hour and a half – and were in less-safe, crime-riddled part of the city when Hide stopped in front of a rundown place. Hide unlocked the door and stepped inside. Haise followed slowly. Considering the outside, it was a surprisingly nice place, though quite small.

“I can get the fridge stocked tomorrow, hopefully in time for lunch. But right now I got some water and coffee for in the morning.” Hide pointed to one of the two doorways other than the entrance. “That’s the bathroom. And here’s the bedroom.” Hide walked into it, opening up the door and revealing an almost bare room. He went to a corner and started opening what Haise realized was a roll-out bed. There was another one on the other side of the room, beside a dresser. “There isn’t much here, since we won’t be staying for long. The next place will be bigger.”

Haise nodded and went and unfolded his own bed, thankful to have something soft to sleep on.  He laid it beside Hide’s, the size of the room not allowing for much space between them. It was a little chilly, so he didn’t shrug off his sweater before crawling under the blankets Hide provided. He thought he would fall asleep rather quickly, but was instead left looking at the cracked ceiling as Hide pulled out a different phone than the one he had before and started typing.

“Hide… who exactly was I to you?” Haise spoke quietly. Hide was quiet as well, but paused in his typing, not turning towards Haise. “Before, you said we were close. What did you mean by that?” Hide could have said they were friends, but he didn’t.

“Haise…” Hide sounded exhausted. “Go to sleep.”

Haise rolled over and looked at him. Hide had his back facing him and if Haise reached out, he could just barely touch him. Hesitantly, he shifted forward and pressed his palm flat against Hide’s back, feeling him stiffen at the touch. “Why do you go so far for me? What were we?”

“We were _nothing_.” Hide said quietly.

Hide’s shoulders stiffened only more with his statement, so Haise pressed on. “Did you… want us to be? Back then, I mean.”

Hide turned around, fixing Haise with a critical eye. “Funny that you’re asking this _now_.”

“Maybe it’s because I can look at things objectively right now.” Haise murmured, pulling his hand away.

Hide huffed a laugh, but his expression was anything but amused. “Yeah, I wanted us to be.”

“It sounds like there’s a ‘but’.”

Hide gave him a long-suffering look. “I never had the nerve to. And when I finally did, it was already too late. That’s all I really want to say about it. Haise… it’s been a long day. Please go to bed. I’ll do the same soon as well.” Hide paused, his eyebrows drawing together. “Unless you want me to move to the next room now… I understand if –“

“No,” Haise hurried to say. “Stay. I… I’d rather if you stayed.”

Hide’s expression smoothed out, most of the tension draining from his shoulders. “I’ll stay. I just have to get into contact with a couple more people. Uh – then I just have to go to the bathroom briefly to clean up a bit.” Hide gestured to his neck. “But, I’ll only be a few steps away. Like I said, the place is small.” Hide gave a small laugh and rubbed the back of his head.

Feeling a little more at peace, Haise laid back and rested his head against his pillow. “Leave the light on until you come back?”

“Sure thing.” Hide reached out, but withdrew his hand before it could touch Haise’s shoulder. “Good night.”

~<3<3<3~

Haise awoke to the smell of coffee, its scent awfully familiar. Groaning, he sat up and plodded his way to the kitchen, wincing at how cold the floor was. Hide was leaning on the counter beside the coffee maker expectantly and started laughing when Haise’s head poked around the bedroom door.

“Good morning. Well, afternoon, I guess.” He turned around and started filling up a mug with fresh coffee, then handed it to Haise. “Did you sleep well?”

“Yeah.” Haise took the coffee gratefully and took a whiff. “Is this..?”

“:RE’s.” Hide nodded. “Touka stopped by earlier and dropped off some coffee, food and supplies. She was hoping you would be up by the time she came.”

Haise ran a hand over his face. “What time is it?”

“Three in the afternoon.”

“Oh.” Haise frowned. The CCG without a doubt already noticed his absence. They were probably looking for him. Hunting him. And the Quinx, what would they think? Their mentor suddenly disappeared into thin air. Would they know that he ran away, or would they think he met an unfortunate end somewhere?

“Hey.” Hide put his hand on Haise’s shoulder. “Try not to worry too much. Everything will be alright.”

Haise nodded and let Hide guide him over to the small table, where Haise sat and let the smell of the coffee calm his nerves. “Will Touka be coming back later? I… suspected I knew her before. But now that I know I definitely did, I would like to see her.”

“Yeah, she’ll be back tonight after she’s done closing :RE for the day.” Hide was smiling again, his eyes crinkling. “Anyway, she thought you would get pretty bored, despite the fact that I’m amazing company, so she brought you these.” As Hide talked, he reached behind him on the counter, pulled out a canvas bag and handed it to Haise.

Haise took a peek inside, feeling considerably better when he saw that there were some of his favourite books.

“I’m feeling mildly offended,” Hide muttered. “That even now, books win over me.”

“Sorry,” Haise smiled. “I do like your company though.”

Hide shook his head. “Read your books, you nerd.”

Haise found out that the small couch was rather comfortable and found himself getting lost in a novel he must have read at least twice before. Not after long, Hide took a seat beside him, playing some sort of game on his phone silently. Every time Haise shifted, their shoulders would brush, and at some point Haise just ended up leaning against Hide, feeling strangely nostalgic. But it wasn’t until Hide moved into a new position, leaning against the armrest, that Haise automatically went to put his head on Hide’s lap and both of them froze.

Hide wasn’t breathing, but Haise managed a shaky inhale. The feeling of nostalgia… Haise wondered, that if when he was Kaneki, back when he knew Hide, if he used to do that. Slowly, Hide relaxed and Haise did the same, his head resting comfortably against Hide’s thigh.

“You know,” Hide said, back to playing his game. “You always used to complain about how bony my legs were.”

“I lied. I’m pretty comfortable right now.” Haise smiled a little, then frowned. The presence that seemed like it was in the back of his head was silent, but hadn’t left since he went with Hide. It was there, like a slight pressure in the back of his head, even if it wasn’t painful. It wasn’t angry; it seemed content and happy, starkly contrasting from what Haise had been experiencing prior. Staring blankly at the pages of his book, Haise hesitantly called out to it.

_“Are you happy now?”_ He asked in his head, in a much more accusing tone than he intended.

The voice that answered him sounded like a command. “ _Stay. Protect. Love._ ” The last word was spoken with such reverence that Haise felt a shiver go down his spine.

It was a few moments before Haise realized that Hide was staring at him in question. He quirked a brow when Haise glanced up at him pensively. Haise wondered what would have happened if the CCG hadn’t captured him. Would he and Hide of… Haise felt his cheeks burn at the thought of it. Haise didn’t even know the guy, even if it felt like he knew him for all his life (which he did – but as Kaneki).

“I think he – I mean I used to… I mean…” Haise sighed in frustration. “Loved you.”

Hide froze, his eyes guarded. “Why do you say that?”

“It’s just a feeling. I can’t control it.” Haise laid a hand on his chest. “But I don’t really mind it. And well, he kind of told me, I think…” Haise sat up, sitting awkwardly beside Hide. Haise didn’t know what possessed him to reach out and cup Hide’s cheek, but when he did, he felt sparks all the way down to his toes. Hide stayed still, until Haise started leaning in. Then, he met Haise halfway. It was weird to kiss him with the bandana in the way. He could feel Hide’s lips under it, and he was warm, but they didn’t feel quite whole, like part of the left side was missing. Nevertheless, he felt Hide shudder and raise his hand to run his fingers through Haise’s hair. Halfway through Haise’s mussed bedhead, he suddenly jerked back.

“Woah, woah. Okay.” He put his hands on Haise’s shoulders and held him at an arm’s length. “This isn’t a good idea. No, no. It definitely isn’t.” Hide looked up at the ceiling as if it would answer him. _“Idiot_.” He hissed under his breath, and he wasn’t sure if Hide was talking to him or himself.

“Why isn’t it a good idea?”

Hide looked back down at him, his eyebrows raised incredulously. “Um, _okay_. Number one, you literally just found out who I was _less_ than twenty-four hours ago. Number two, you have a little more than a clue about your and my history. Number three, a lot of shit has gone down in the last day and I’d feel like I’d be taking advantage of you.”

Haise frowned. He was the one who kissed Hide. He didn’t feel like he was being taken advantage of _at all_. Except for… “Then when you convinced me to come along with you – weren’t you taking advantage of the state I was in then?”

Hide’s eyes widened. “I… hadn’t thought about it like that.” Hide shook his head. “I’m sorry. I would’ve done anything to get you out. You weren’t safe there, and clearly weren’t happy either. You don’t want to go back now, do you?”

There was a small tug in Haise’s chest when he thought of the Quinx. Another one when he thought of Akira. But when he thought of all the looks he got at the CCG, how he was treated like an animal when he lost control and the constant threat of death that hung over his head, he knew he made the right decision, even if it was a rapid and desperate one. “I don’t. I want to stay here. I feel safer than I have since… well, since I remember.”

“That’s… I’m happy.” Hide’s voice sounded choked. “But still. Just… try not to rush into things. Look, I don’t know what you’re experiencing right now, but I’m sure it’s really confusing, and I’d rather we sorted some of the easier stuff out before a kiss gets thrown in the mix.” Hide looked more confused than Haise felt, which made him feel guilty.

“Here we ran away together…” Haise muttered, settling against Hide’s shoulder like he was before. “Aren’t we supposed to get married now?”

Hide huffed a laugh. “I don’t have a ring.”

Haise hummed, finding Hide’s hand and thread their fingers together. Hide’s hands were warm and soft. Haise swore he could almost remember the feel of them from long ago. Hide left Haise fiddle with them. He traced the lines on them, the scars. He froze over one that was faded and almost invisible against Hide’s skin.

“This one was my fault.” When he ran his fingers over if, his stomach twisted a little with guilty.

“You dropped a glass at my place. I cut myself when we were cleaning up. That’s all. I think we were… thirteen? You came to the hospital with me for stitches and cried all the way there.” Hide’s voice was careful and cautious, too much so for Haise’s liking. When he looked up at him, Haise once again saw the edges of a scar peeking out from under Hide’s bandana. It was without a doubt the same injury that affected his speech as well.

Haise swallowed thickly. “And that one… was that my fault as well?” He felt the similarly looking at it as when he looked at the scar on Hide’s hand.

Hide’s expression darkened. “No. It was my decision. I don’t want you blaming yourself for this.”

_“Hide_ ”. Haise could feel tears welling up in his eyes and he hastily wiped them away. “I’m so sorry.”

Hide hushed him gently. “It’s not your fault.”

Haise didn’t believe him. He wanted to, but he knew he couldn’t. Not when he could feel the deep rooted guilt radiating from deep within him. He wanted to cry and ask Hide why he still wanted Haise (Kaneki) around, but he knew that would only upset Hide, and he’d already hurt Hide enough.

So he didn’t say anything. He choked back his tears and leaned against Hide’s shoulder. Hide smelt like freshly cut grass and the ocean. It was calming, and before he knew it, Haise had stopped cry and started drifting. Dreaming, he saw the two of them together in a classroom, Hide scribbling in a notebook furiously. He saw them together late at night, Hide curled up in bed and sleeping as Kaneki finished the latest chapter of a book he was reading. He saw them sitting together in a coffee shop, Hide gesturing wildly with his hands and spilling the coffee all over the table. Then, he was somewhere dark. Hide was in front of him, tears in his eyes and a smile on his lips as he picked up a knife and cut a shaky line across his jaw. Then Kaneki was lunging forward, saliva dripping from his teeth and then – nothing. Haise saw nothing. He was left all alone and he could feel that quinque piercing through his eyes, through his skull, _through his brain._ It hurt, it itched, and he would do anything to make it stop, even if he had to tear though his own eyes to get to it.

_“Haise!_ ” He was shaken until he awoke. But when he opened his eyes – nothing, again. He could feel blood under his fingernails, covering his hands – and – oh – he hadn’t done that since he was in cochlea.

It took him a moment to remember where he was. “Hide…”

“Yeah. I’m here. It’s okay.” Haise felt a hand curl around his, despite how bloody it was. “Come on. I have food in the kitchen. Let’s get you healed and then cleaned up, okay?”

Numbly, Haise nodded and let Hide guide him into the kitchen from the couch. Hide sat him at the table and then Haise could hear him moving things around in the refrigerator. Then he was getting a plate, unwrapping something from paper, and setting it on it. He placed that plate in front of Haise, then ran his fingers through Haise’s hair. It was comforting.

“Don’t worry about making a mess okay? Everything in here is really easy to wipe down.”

Haise ate with his hands. It was nothing like what he ate while he was at the CCG. There he was always given the same soup, mixed with different sorts of scraps from humans and ghouls alike, and altogether foul tasting. But the food Hide gave him had the consistency of ground beef and was _delicious._ It was gone before he knew it, and he could already feel the tissue that he had clawed away knitting itself back together.

After he was done and his eyes had formed enough for Haise to start seeing some light, Hide took him to the bathroom, telling him to take as much time as he needed and that there would be clean clothes waiting for him on the counter when he was done. So Haise stayed in the shower for a while, staring at the blood as it flowed down the drain and trying to not think about how much of it was his and how much of it was from the meal he just ate. He also tried to not think about how he must have looked to Hide, especially since the last time Hide saw him eat was…

Haise gagged, but his stomach seemed intent on keeping the food down. Haise sunk to his knees and tried not to cry once again. He let the water run over his face and kept his sobs quite so that Hide wouldn’t hear. After about half an hour, there was a knock on the door.

“Hey, Haise. Just making sure you’re okay. Touka’s here and will be for a few hours. Come out when you’re ready.”

Haise tried to make his voice as steady as possible. “Okay, I’ll be out in a bit.” Composing himself, he wiped his face a couple times, turning on the cold water and hoping that it would help to rid his face of some of the redness. When he stepped out of the shower, his eyes were still red, but that could be attributed to the fact that they just healed, rather than the fact that he was crying. Although, Haise doubted that Hide would be fooled.

Haise dressed in the clothes Hide set out for him – a pair of jeans and a dark t-shirt – then took a deep breath and stepped out of the bathroom. Touka was sitting beside Hide at the table, her elbows resting on it. Touka looked upset, but she wiped that expression off her face when Haise entered the room. She looked different than she usually looked at :RE. With her hair pulled back, her face looked more angular, and without the long sleeves she usually wore, Haise could see the definition of her muscled arms.

Both her and Hide were staring at him with worry and Haise had to resist the urge to fidget. “Hi… Touka,” he said uneasily. It wasn’t like he was afraid of her; she was nothing but kind to him when he usually went to :RE. However, it was apparent there was a side of her that she had hidden away from him, probably for safety’s sake. Was that the side of her that Kaneki had known?

Touka smiled. It reminded Haise of the first time he saw her at :RE. “Hide told me you’ve had a little trouble adjusting.”

Haise winced at the blunt words even though there was nothing mocking in the tone. He bit his lip because he couldn’t argue _because_ she was right. He had no idea what to do with the emotions that were flowing through him unbound. The random blips of memories only made things more confusing.

“So, I figured you probably had some steam to let off. Maybe we could have a little spar? It has been a long time.” She shifted and Haise realized she was dressed practically for moving, with her loose sweatpants and tank-top. “Come on. Put a hoodie on and cover that hair of yours. I’ll show you the way.”

Touka’s tone didn’t leave much for argument, so he followed her directions, even as Hide was left glancing back and forth between the two of them in confusion. Haise had been laying around all day and his last spar was with the Quinx. Although, he couldn’t really call that a spar, since they had so much to work on. Then there were his spars with Arima – which he supposed he couldn’t call spars either. There was too much of a difference in skill. Those fights were always over quickly and left Haise shaken for hours afterwards.

Haise threw on a sweater he found in the dresser, pulling the hood up to cover his hair. When Haise exited the room, Touka was sliding her shoes on, Hide doing the same. He smiled at Haise, his eyes crinkling, but Haise could feel the worry practically radiating from him. Touka, on the other hand, seemed pleased.

She went out and Haise followed, Hide dragging a little behind as he locked up the door. He quickly hurried back to be beside Haise, Touka a few paces ahead. The sun was just setting, casting long shadows across the ground. The streets were relatively full, but Touka weaved through them with a sense of expertise that had Haise and Hide scurrying to catch up. Not after long, Touka ducked into an alley and they were finally away from the throng of people.

Hide came closer to Haise, putting a hand on his elbow. He spoke now that Haise could hear him over the loud sounds of the street. “You don’t have to do this, you know. We could go back to the safe-house if you want. I don’t think Touka would be upset if you don’t want to fight.”

“I want to,” Haise assured. “Are you worried?”

Hide sighed. “I trust her, but yeah, I am. I don’t want you to get hurt.”

“I’ll be fine.” Haise pulled his arm across his torso and started stretching. “Actually, I think I’ll feel better after I get a bit of a workout. It helps me focus. And sleep.” And Haise could definitely use both. “Actually, I think I might have a little fun.”

Hide still looked concerned, but he nodded anyway. “Alright. Just a word of advice, don’t even think about going easy on her. The second you do, you’ll be knocked flat on your ass. She’s stronger than she looks.”

Haise nodded, appreciating the information. But, he wasn’t exactly weak either. If what Hide said was true, then perhaps it would be even more fun than Haise thought.

They came to a thick, metal door and Touka knocked twice. She said something in a language that sounded similar to Japanese, then waited as the door opened. She gestured for Hide and Haise to follow after her. There was a man standing inside, but he didn’t say anything as they passed. They went down a set of stairs, the air getting cooler and damper as they headed underground. They went through what appeared to be an old tunnel of some sort, then came to large, cavernous room.

Haise’s jaw dropped. “I didn’t know this was here.”

“It’s part of an old underground city ghouls created years and years ago. It’s not in use anymore, so a few others and I use it for training. I think it used to be a storage room, for building materials and such.” Touka shrugged. “Either way, it can take a bit of damage and is big enough that it won’t restrict our movements while sparring. Let me know when you’re finished stretching so we can get started.” She tossed her sweater into a corner.

Haise glanced back at Hide, who had settled against a wall. He raised an eyebrow at Haise and folded his arms. “Just try to keep any projectiles from landing in my direction.”

Haise nodded to threw his sweater by Touka’s. He started by jogging a couple laps around the room to get his body temperature up, then completed his stretches. Touka was doing her own thing, and Haise was a little surprised at how flexible she was. She could be a gymnast. When she caught him staring and grinned, feral-like, he started thinking she probably incorporated her flexibility into her fighting style.

Hoping for a challenge, Haise told her he was ready and assumed a defensive position. Touka circled around him, sizing him up.

“You’ve put on some muscle since we last fought,” she commented. “Though I wonder if you’ll still be able to fight the way you used to. Let’s start off without kagune. When I activate mine, you can use yours as well.”

Then she flew at him. She was so fast that Haise hardly saw her coming and just managed to get his guard up to block a punch. He had no recovery time, having a kick aimed at his midsection a fraction of a second later. Touka continued on the attack, gradually pushing Haise back as he was forced to block the seemingly endless blows. She must have been an Ukaku because her speed was just _ridiculous._

Having had enough of being on the defense, Haise retaliated with some strikes right back. Touka easily rolled around him, moving as fluidly as water. She seemed almost impossible to hit. Haise grit his teeth and tried to focus as she spun out of the way of strikes and occasionally flipped over his head as if to taunt him. All they got were a few glancing blows off each other, save for the one solid hit to the stomach that Haise took.

After Haise just missed Touka by a hair, she skipped back a few steps, grinning. Her kakugan activated, veins becoming distinctive around her eyes. Then, her kagune burst from her back, flaring to life with a bright splash of gleaming red. The very air around her seemed to crackle with electricity. She grinned again, and the corners of Haise’s lips curled up in response. He released his own kagune and flexed it, feeling the skin around his eye tighten as his kakugan appeared as well.

“Remember what I said about projectiles!” Hide called from across the room.

Then Touka jumped and sent spikes sailing to where Haise was just standing. The ground shook as they collided with it, but Haise was already shooting forward, kagune curled around his arm as he thrust it out like a spear. Touka dodged again and sent another hail of spikes in his direction, her speed only having increased since she released her kagune. Haise had to increase the number of kagune sprouting from his back just to deal with the attacks coming from numerous directions. Even then, he took some hits: a spike to the shoulder and then one to the thigh. He yanked them out, not waiting for the injured spots to heal before he charged at Touka, intent on driving her into a corner with his own attacks. It seemed to be working initially. He continuously and gradually knocked her back. While she had superior speed, he had superior strength, and she was starting to slow down, her ukaku quickly draining her stamina. Haise finally got a good hit on her and she stumbled back, taking a moment to lick the blood from her lips. She winced and Haise’s eyebrows drew in with concern.

“Sorry, are you alright to continue?”

His answer was a lightning-fast knee to the chin, leaving him dazed as Touka once again flipped over him. Except this time, she had an arm around his throat and was _taking him with her._ He gasped at his back hit the ground, but he quickly recovered, springing to his feet to prepare for her next attack.

But it didn’t come. Touka’s kagune was retreating. She took a few deeps breaths, her chest heaving, then she sat on the floor with a chuckle. “Well, you’re certainly a lot better then you used to be. Although, just as naïve.” She laughed. “Damn, I’m exhausted.”

“Yeah,” Haise agreed finally, taking a seat beside her. He absently fanned the hem of his shirt, the air cool against his sweat-damp skin. His hair was plastered to his forehead and he brushed it out of his face, smiling a bit.

There was a cough from across the room and Haise glanced over to see Hide staring at them with unamused eyes, some of Touka’s kagune spikes impaled into the wall a couple feet above his head. “I’m putting sugar in your coffee,” he muttered.

“I’ll make you work your next couple of shifts with Nishiki,” Touka countered.

Hide groaned. “It’s almost worth it.”

“You work at :RE?” Haise’s eyebrows rose.

Hide shrugged. “Someone needs to make those pretty little sandwiches and cakes.” He sauntered over. “You two about ready to go? The air in here is killing me.”

Touka went in the opposite direction when they left, Hide giving a small wave in farewell. They made it home rather quickly, Haise shivering a little from the chill in the air and the sweat not yet dried on his skin. He made a beeline for the bathroom, eager to get under the spray of hot water.

When he got out, Hide was on the couch, a laptop on his lap. He was typing, but when Haise entered the room, he closed the laptop and set it on the coffee table. “Did you have fun earlier?”

“Yeah.” Haise sunk into the couch beside Hide, still riding the high that working out gave him. “I haven’t had that much fun in a while.” Haise was never able to fight like that with most people. Others feared the kagune, feared Haise when he used it, but Touka didn’t. Other ghouls didn’t. And neither did Hide, it seemed, which left Haise wondering… “Hide, why aren’t you afraid of me?”

What Haise wasn’t expecting was a snort. “Afraid of you? Yeah sure, I’ll be afraid of the guy who cried once because a butterfly landed on his nose.” Hide’s voice turned serious. “I could never be afraid of you. Usually, I only get afraid _for_ you, cuz you’re a loser that likes to get himself in the _most_ complicated messes. Which, I naturally have to worry about getting you out of.”

“Thank you, for getting me out, I mean.” Haise said. “And for worrying about me.”

“Jerk,” Hide muttered. “How bout you stop making me worry about you.”

“I don’t know if that’s possible.” Haise murmured. He didn’t want to worry Hide, but with his lifestyle, his life as a ghoul, there wasn’t a single point when he wasn’t in danger.

“Yeah, I know.” Hide looked at him then, his eyes sad. “I wanted to tell you earlier, that it doesn’t matter – no, not that it doesn’t matter…” Hide sighed. “If you don’t want to remember who you were, that’s okay. I don’t want to feel like I’m pressuring you into one thing or another. It’s your choice. What you do now, and what you do in the future. Also, I don’t want you to feel like you have to stay here. There’s other places you could go, if you really wanted to. I could tell you about them.”

Haise shook his head softly. “I already told you, I want to stay here.” He reached for Hide’s hand, holding it tight. “I don’t know what I want anymore. I think… I would be fine with either. If I remember, I remember. I don’t think I’d be able to control it in the first place. And even if I don’t remember, I want to meet the people who used to be precious to me. Like you, Like Touka. Could you tell me about them?”

As Hide told him, Haise leaned against his shoulder and let his eyes close. Hide had the most colourful descriptions that Haise could almost picture the people he was talking about, although he was starting to wonder with how easily the faces popped into his mind. Hide ran his fingers through Haise’s hair as he spoke, almost subconsciously playing with the gentle waves. Haise started to drift off, wondering, when he woke up, if he would still be dreaming.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm still not entirely happy with this, but I hope people liked it and had fun reading it.


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